Prepare yourself to have difficult conversations, but NEVER avoid them!

I have had weekly 1-1 meetings with a manager for a while.

Each time, during that 30 minutes, she would share with me her frustrations about so and so, which can be her team members or her peers, who did or said something that upset her.

"Have you considered talking to the person about this?" I asked
"Oh, no, I won't talk to him about this?" She answered.
"Why so?"
"He won't be happy about it."
"Are you happy about not solving it?"

You see, avoiding hard conversations leads us to swallow our feelings; it is not just unhealthy, the resentments we failed to address would turn into blame or anger, and haunt us from time to time.

When imperfect human beings come to work together, having difficult conversations is a necessary part of working well with each other.

Of course, we don't need to confront everyone to prove a point or to ensure 'I am right', but avoiding the conversations only because of the fear that the conversation won't go well or others would be upset would also cost us BIG on the relationship, motivation and performance.

The difficult conversation is difficult because it involves strong emotions, yours and the others.

We enter almost every conversation with certain expectations and opinions/positions. When it feels like these expectations or positions are being challenged, it is human nature to react initially with emotions, which then influence the direction of the conversations. 

While too much emotion often leads to bad outcomes, having too little emotion can also make the conversation seem fake.

When we have the tendency to avoid difficult conversations, we are avoiding the emotions that come with it, such as fear, anger, frustration, conflict, and other strong dividing — not unifying — emotions. 

If, you are like the manager mentioned, tend to avoid conversations with the person who triggered some strong emotions in her, but couldn't stop talking about that person's conduct with a 3rd party.

Pause!

Ask yourself:
- What might be at stake if I was going to talk to the person directly?
- What is really happening?
- What are my motivation and intention?

Sometimes, 'not to have the conversation' could be the best option, but MOST times, avoiding doesn't make you the leader you desire to be.